FBFF: Body Image

Thanks once again to Katy at Modly Chic for putting together this week's FBFF!

1. Since you started blogging has your image of yourself changed? No, actually. Granted, I only started a few months ago, but at this point in my life, I feel I have a fairly stable self image. Sure, I still struggle sometimes with comparing myself to others, but overall I feel fairly confident.

Over the years, however, my self confidence (particularly about my body) has changed immensely. I used to have pretty low self esteem (so much so that my parents put me into this self esteem class in 8th grade. At the time I was really confused as to why I was there.).

There are two things that really helped me change my self image. First, theater. Second, running.

When I'm on stage performing, I feel amazing. Just amazing. And I actually like it that all eyes are on me. I can't explain where this confidence came from, but it definitely has to do with the fact that I discovered this talent and really cultivated it.

That's me in the pale yellow, back row. This was in a production of "Camelot." I had a big, operatic solo.

And here's me as Peter Pan. Remember that old Mary Martin film? Yeah, that was me.

 And then there's running. I never never never thought I'd be a "real runner." I have exercise-induced asthma (it's a real thing) and always lacked endurance (or just lacked the desire to work on my endurance). When I moved to San Francisco and saw my friend finishing the San Francisco Marathon among runners of all shapes, sizes and ages, I said to myself, "I can do that."

So I did. The very next year. I always feel best about my body when I'm in shape, and running races give me that goal that I need to push myself.

This was like mile 25.9 of my first marathon. (Photo by J.Brooks)

2. Are you self-conscious about any aspect of yourself? If so, do you go out of your way to avoid it or do you post it/talk about it anyway? This might sound strange, but I'm very self-conscious about my eyes, at least when I first meet someone. I used to really struggle with this, but it's gotten easier over the years.

Allow me to explain. When I was a baby, my eyes remained crossed and I had to undergo several (five) eye surgeries to correct it and to correct other mishaps one surgeon had. It left me with one nearsighted eye and one farsighted eye and a crazy-go-nuts astigmatism. As a result, I only really actively use one eye at a time (I know that probably doesn't make sense to you). And as a result of that strange eye usage, I tend to get a lazy eye. So much so that sometimes when I'm talking to someone, she'll look over her shoulder to try to figure out what I'm looking at.

Phew. Now you know my deepest, darkest secret. Glad I got that off my chest.

3. Based on how you are feeling now, what do you think the future holds in the evolution of your body image? I know and I've accepted the fact that I can't change my eyes (not by surgery). I know that I'll just continue to worry less and less about them. (Isn't it weird that this FBFF is about body image and I'm talking about my eyes?)

4. Do you photograph yourself for your blog? If so, how do you feel about the experience when you’re having your picture taken? I do. I actually feel rather excited. It fulfills the part of me that used to want to be a model but knew I was too short (darn you, genetics!). I've always enjoyed having my picture taken.

5. What would you want every person who struggles with body image to take to heart? Find something (a hobby, a talent) that you're good at, and that makes you feel good! Don't compare yourself to others. We're all created in the beautiful image of God, but we're also all created to be different and distinct. Find what distinguishes you and emphasize it. (OK, that sounded like a pageant answer.)

Also, eat healthy and get exercise! You'll definitely feel better about yourself.